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Pen and Pixel Copy |
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The lead is very nice. It's warm and opens on a very personal note. Then it promises what sounds like a marvelous experience.
The picture is done very well. (You should be an official ambassador for Chicago, by the way.) I got a very good feel for the experience from your copy.
The proof is also very good. Nice sources - very credible.
The guarantee is imaginative and friendly. And it gives your reader one more reason to say yes. When I got to the push, I was ready to agree... and you made it clear and specific, so I knew exactly what I'd be agreeing to.
Considering this is your first letter, I'm impressed. It's a solid first effort.
I think you're off to a very good start.
Wishing you
success,
M. Smith
SAMPLE - AWAI Restaurant Letter Exercise
Hi, Soleil!
Don't
miss your chance to experience luxury dining 95 floors above
Chicago's
Magnificent Mile next Wednesday!
So! You’ll be here in Chicago next week on business! I'm excited that you’re visiting my Sweet Home, Chicago! You can treat yourself to a bit of down time to get together with an old friend one evening, right?
Envision yourself ...
... shopping for treasures (or enjoying a spa treatment) along our Boul Mich.
next
... walking 1,000 feet in the air with a 360-degree open-sky metropolitan view.
then
... experiencing luxury-style living at the pinnacle of a sky-scraping tower. With the lights far below like so many colored jewels strewn at your feet, you'll sip fine wine and savor an elegant dinner atop an architecturally noteworthy city in the sky.
finally
... relaxing with a nightcap, sweet treats, and penthouse view before calling it a day.
Your time will be tight, Soleil. So, I propose you be my dinner guest while I take you on a "tour" of Chicago. Yes, it's doable within a short stroll from your hotel to "Big John", Chicago's John Hancock Building where we'll touch the stars and dine like celebrities.
A Progressive Dinner ... we'll work our way up from ground level.
The John Hancock Center is very near your hotel and an easy walk to dinner along Chicago's vibrant and trendy Magnificent Mile. You'll see the iconic Water Tower that survived the 1871 Chicago Fire. Luxury shopping along the way is guaranteed to fascinate! You'll surely find a small treasure at one of the many boutiques and take home a souvenir of your visit. (Smile!)
Then, there's more!
Next, from “Big John's” 94th-floor outdoor Skywalk, you'll take in what's become of urban designer Daniel Burnham's visionary city and waterfront "1909 Chicago plan".
See our glorious Lake Michigan with its breathtaking shoreline parks and beaches. Reach out and almost touch Willis (formerly Sears) Tower, once the tallest building in the World. Follow jets taking off and landing at both Midway and O'Hare – among the world's busiest airports. Marvel at evidence of the Ice Age glaciers’ work in the poetry of the flat land of our Prairie State. View Illinois, Indiana, Michigan and Wisconsin with just a turn of your head from your right to your left.
At sunset, watch the city slowly become beautifully illuminated. The moon will grace the sky while the warm, glowing lights of Chicago trace the length of the lakeshore as far as the eye can see and outline the city street grid. The brilliant-blue-turned-pitch-black of Lake Michigan washing up against the city lights at night forms a breathtaking visual contrast!
And more on top of that!
Now, about that centerpiece luxury dinner...
Progressing our way up another level, The Signature Room at the 95th is a one-of-a-kind fine dining experience. It's the highest restaurant in Chicago with wrap-around floor-to-ceiling windows -- a 360-degree panorama as on the Skywalk below -- but a bit less windy. Talk about getting a bird's eye view you can't get anywhere else but from an airplane!
The restaurant won a Michelin Guide Recommendation PLUS, it's a Travel and Leisure Magazine Favorite.
Zagat says, "The sky's the limit" at this "iconic", 95th-floor New American restaurant perched atop the Hancock," ... and ... "breathtaking" vistas "day and night" (even from the "powder room") ...
There's also Rosalia Barron - the restaurant's classically French-trained recently named executive chef with lots of exciting "New American" menu offerings.
You'll find something to love on the menu that incorporates fresh ingredients from local vendors. There are meat, fish, vegetarian and vegan choices. Plus unique "to-die-for" desserts.
And then, there's one last flight to climb!
To finish, we’ll go to the Signature Lounge at the 96th to relax over a nightcap and maybe even savor a second dessert as we continue to enjoy the view and visit.
A recent review of "The 96th" from Yelp...
"AMAAAAAAAAAZING drinks. All of them. And the view is ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS!!
The best view, by far, is from the ladies restroom (sorry, gentlemen).
I highly recommend coming here, it's definitely a must see when you're in Chicago!!
Can you guess what happens next?
We'll watch a summertime fireworks display on Navy Pier from our 96th floor perch!
You don’t want to risk missing it all, do you?
You have to come, Soleil! The Wednesday weather forecast is warm with clear skies and full moon. It will be the perfect evening for a "Mag Mile" stroll and a visual tour of Chicago from high above.
It will be YOUR night above Chi-Town, Soleil! Let's really make it count! I'm excited and so looking forward to seeing you and catching up!
The following day's weather forecast changes .... cool
temps, fog and rain ... so the top of the Hancock Building
with its expansive restaurant and lounge windows and Skywalk observatory
will be shrouded in clouds!
What? You want a guarantee?
You have my personal guarantee that if you are
disappointed with any part of your Chicago
dinner-tour experience (and maybe even if you aren't), the very last stop
before we call it a night will be at the Cheesecake Factory at the foot
of the Hancock Tower. I'll leave you back at your hotel
with a gift box of naughty goodness for you to share with your business
colleagues the next morning. Guaranteed, they’ll give you a LETTER OF
COMMENDATION for your fine work!
What's next?
Unless you’re able to break away from your business meeting earlier next Wednesday ~
~ you’ll find
me waiting in your hotel lobby at 6:00 p.m.!
See you soon, girlfriend!
Cheryl
“Make no small plans; they have no magic to stir men's blood.”
~ Daniel Burnham
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